Look at what I’ve built here:
This is my dream,
built to give me love
and bring me family.

And look at what I’ve built here:
This is my dream,
built to give me hope
and bring me home.

And look at all I’ve built here:
This is my dream,
built to give me joy
and bring me meaning.

And yet look at all that’s missing
from this empty chamber.
All the dreams I’ve built
can’t fill this hole.
All the dreams I’ve built
can’t make me whole.

I am losing my illusions
falling into fear,
Knowing my insistence
will never bring you near.

I asked if you would walk beside me
Prayed you would fight to see inside me
Put up my walls and then begged you:
“Find a way through!”

I thought if you could love me enough
one day I would be healed.
But now I’m facing the emptiness
your loving has revealed.

I am losing my illusions
falling into shame,
Knowing how I’ve hurt you
by holding you to blame.
Losing My Illusions (continued)

I said I wanted a partner
but I was looking for a savior.
When you couldn’t save me from darkness,
I said I’d leave.
When you didn’t pull me back,
I couldn’t believe
that you could love me long enough
that one day I would be healed.
Now you’ve loved me half my lifetime,
through all I’ve kept concealed
behind walls of pain and anger,
in all the blame I’ve cast,
your loving has been constant
and I’m opening at last.

I am losing my illusions,
falling into grief,
Feeling as I’m falling
in surrender there’s relief.

Now I am asking of myself
what I have always asked of you.
Hoping you will walk beside me
while I heal this pain inside me,
Praying I will know a love that’s true,
When I look within myself, not just at you.

I am losing my illusions,
falling into peace,
Tending to my spirit,
each time I release
a bit of grief or pain or anger,
every time I rise above
illusions I have cherished,
I am falling into love.

I am losing my illusions
and falling into love.

© 2000 Emily Melcher