If you’re not there when I need you,
a part of me lays down and dies.
But if you are gentle and loving with me,
you may help something strong in me rise.
You may help something strong in me rise.

And if I felt sad when they hurt me,
disappointed when they let me down,
Well, I might have known it,
but I would not have shown it,
cause a smile was required to keep them around.

So I smiled through the fear when they hit me,
or battered each other in rage.
My knuckles went white, and my jaw was clenched tight
round the fear that I dared not engage.
And I grew hard to soften the blow,
thought I could cushion the fall.
When the pain was too great, I hid and I ate,
or I slammed my soft body hard at the wall,
or pounded my fists on my head
to silence the voices that wished I were dead.

For many years self-righteous indignation
was the weapon that I wielded to defend myself from fear.
Like a porcupine begging for attention,
while making certain no one could get near.
Now I long to lay my armor down and weep.
But my mind’s a restless warrior
still looking for the danger,
and I’m not at rest, not even when I sleep.

It’s a very old habit I’m trying to break,
this killing what rises within me.
But I know it’s my own precious life that’s at stake,
and if I don’t kill me, I’ll win me.

So if I can be there when I need me,
to witness my own inner cries,
If I can be gentle and kind with myself,
I may help something strong in me rise.
I may help something strong in me rise.
I may help something strong in me,
Strength that belongs to me,
Help something strong in me rise.
I may help something strong in me rise.

© 2000 Emily Melcher